The Blame Game in Relationships

You’ve all found yourself in this predicament, playing the blame game, in one way or another. When our misfortunes are the result of our own actions rather than other people’s actions, we prefer to blame others rather than admit that we are to blame. We play the blame game rather than attempting to address our issues or look for solutions.

The blame game destroys relationships. No one wants to accept responsibility for their actions, so instead of finding solutions to the issue, we end up blaming our partners and they blaming us.

Lovelies, playing the victim creates toxicity in relationships and is unhealthy. No one is listening since everyone is shouting at one another. The blame game eventually develops into a sign of emotional abuse because when both parties decide to play, trust is broken.

When a couple plays the blame game for too long, everyone’s defenses go up develops a protective wall around them and refuses to accept responsibility for whatever is going on, which leads to conflicts and disagreements that’ll go on till the end.

The blame game may be caused by a variety of things, including fear, failed previous relationships, childhood trauma, a lack of accountability, gaslighting, and more.

Whenever there’s a problem in your relationship, instead of you to be all defensive and act up, ask yourself these questions;

  • Is my partner to blame?
  • Am I reacting aggressively?
  • Was it my fault?
  • How am I reacting to my partner? 
  • How can I solve this problem?

If you can calm yourself down and answer all these questions before you decide to point fingers then you are rest assured, everything is going to be alright. Lovelies, always remember it’s you and your partner against the problem so never in whatever situation allow the problem to come in between you two. 

There are several ways you can avoid the blame game in your relationship and solve problems causing you guys to blame each other:

Personal accountability 

First and foremost, there needs to be a sense of responsibility among all parties. Instead of placing the blame elsewhere, own your mistakes and find a way to let your partner know that the issue was caused by you. When things get a bit difficult, it is natural for people to place the blame on another person. The two of you can work together as a couple to find a solution if you are honest with your spouse and tell him or her everything you did.

Calm yourself down 

In every circumstance, take a moment to embrace yourself before moving forward. You can reason when you’re calm. Some triggers can override your defenses, which magnifies the issue ten times. Here is where you can start blaming your partner instead of trying to figure out a solution.

Don’t drag the situation 

Whatever the issue, avoid adding to it by placing blame. Don’t bolster your cases by stoking the fire. Try hard not to overreact to the circumstance by dragging whatever issue you guys are dealing with. You might have misunderstood what your partner was implying and exaggerated the situation, making a little issue into a major one.

Reflect on your behavior

For example, if your partner brings up a concern about your actions or your response to a certain circumstance, and instead of you taking responsibility for your actions and admitting that you were wrong, you place the blame on your partner. You attribute your partner’s influence over your behavior to them. That is some seriously toxic behavior right there! Instead of blaming your partners for your poor behavior, examine your own actions, reflect on them, and ask yourself why you behave in this way. It’s critical that you pay attention to whatever is causing this reaction.

Be empathetic and compassionate

Put yourself in your partners’ perspective and try to understand why they are acting out. Knowing the root of the issue your partner is responsible for will help you comprehend why they are acting in the way they are. Have compassion for your partner and get to know what triggered them to do whatever he or she did. Adopt an empathetic point of view to help you figure out solutions to the problem, to help you forgive your partner for getting you guys into that situation. 

Communicate how you truly feel

You need to voice out how you honestly feel about the situation. Once you calm yourself down, understand your situation from your partner’s point of view and reason on how you feel, don’t give your partner the silent treatment, communicate your true feelings. It is paramount you do not victimize yourself in such situations so not to play the blame game. Choose the right words to communicate how you feel without making your partner feel defensive. Point out the reasons to your partner on why you feel the way you feel so that you can create a pattern of a safe space where you can express yourself without having someone point fingers at you. 

If you truly believe your relationship is worthwhile, then you have to go through all uncomfortable situations and hard talks to make it work. Always remember that you are a team and it’s you against everything and everyone else. 

No matter how hard you play, you can never win the blame game !

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